Wednesday, May 6, 2015

I can let this define me, destroy me or strengthen me.

   The minutes tick slow, the people crowd in, 
my nerves ease up. For a while. 9:30 - there's been a slight delay, we begin at 9:35. I've never done a Cambridge exam and the paper format catches me off guard. I start chewing my gum, faster but eventually it fades into the background. I raise my hand, I don't know how to fill the 'component title' but the invigilator takes too much time, she's at the other end, so instead I peek opposite, a girl in a short skirt. 9:40, I've gotten off to an explosive start, I notice that part B in the first question is different from the previous ones. So I decide to do it at the end.

Wrong move.



Rhythmically my eyes take in the time
from the monstrous, green, blinking eyes in front of me. Ah my nemesis, or my saviour? I finish 80% of the paper in less than an hour. Yet my mind is clouded. I try to work out how much time I should spend on the rest. The clouds grow thicker. All routine gone. I breakdown. Panic. I finish the paper in the nick of time 9:48. 2 minutes to spare.


  But what good is finishing a paper if all you
wrote was gibberish? If you forgot to mention obvious key points? If you saw them later yet had neither the space nor the time to make amends? Truth is, it's a matter of shutting my eyes and spacing out from the world, literally.

   It's 9:00 the day before, having recognized
the importance of sleep before an exam I go
to bed early.

Wrong move.


My mind initially wanders into the prehistoric
age in 'A Space Odyssey 2001' then to a horror story, I nearly fall asleep.... Nearly. It's 12:00, after three hours of restlessness I figure out a neat trick, count backwards from 99 and reset when I hit the lower numbers. It works. But I wake up at 5:00. No turning back now.


My face is disfigured In the morning, an event
that is minisculed by my shocking malfunction. It has happened before and my no means is this the worst one. Twice I felt that I would end up with 0, Physics and Chemistry, twice I ended up with A's.

   I feel sleepy, even now, but the truth is........

I can let this define me, destroy me or strengthen me.

Define Me, Destroy Me or Strengthen Me

 
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