Who should I Be? When Im 19

I know it's gonna come soon, bang, this September it's gonna hit me before I even know it. These days I constantly use the excuse 'hey I'm just 18' like when I drive the car and other drivers get angry or being in a social or responsible situation such as trying to guide or navigate a new surrounding. But I'm afraid that won't last very long. All these thing do serve as valuable experience and I'm grateful everyday for all the things I have in my life. But, ultimately age is just a number, it doesn't dictate how we look, who we are, or what we're supposed to be.

         I've seen countless people who look both younger and older than their age, I've been with people older than me who act like children and guys younger than me who are more manly than I am. I've been with this girl, who I'm privileged to call my ex, who by the age of 11 attempted suicide, 12 or 13 travelled alone in a flight and back, who was raised by a single mother given that their father was a movie director, oh cliché! But I'm not intimidate by that, it helps me learn, it shapes who I am, I observe all those people closely and pick up bits and pieces.

So, 19, I've still got time, but what is the most important thing I need to achieve in that time I asked myself today, who do I need to be by 19? Well it's simply, given my consequences all I can do is prepare for the future :

Bodybuilding
Learning another language
Improving my personality
Attitude
Looks
Intelligence
Athleticism

I guess if I can keep doing what I'm doing right now I'd tick all the boxes by the time I'm 19, coz in the end, what I really want is no regrets.

Who should I Be? When Im 19

6:18 PM birthday, blog, countries, dreams, experiences, girls, guy, love, personality, photography, places, resolutions, swag, teen, travel, what is my purpose, who am i, who do i want to be

Habits : How we pick them up

Man, it's been only two weeks and she's already influenced my behaviour. Like a monkey all I did was stare at her, why? Coz I'm allowed to, she's a German and all Germans do is stare at other people haha.
But getting back to the point, I honestly do think that she's got one of the best personalities in the world, i mean literally. She would go out of her way to thank people for things that they do to help her, and she would get anxious when someone gives her a present because she's 'not used to getting things' amazing huh?

Her attitude clearly rubbed off on me, and it's a good thing I'm willing to change, 18 and I still don't have a concrete personality, in fact I don't want one, I want to constantly evolve, improve myself and just get better day by day.

Yesterday I was at German class returning after nearly two weeks, I barely knew the guys there. During recess we went out to the cafeteria and started talking, I joined them quite late, so this guy had ordered three drinks and motioned for three more, I absolutely wasn't expecting him to buy me one as well, but naturally he did. I mean I barely knew the guy, so everyone got their drinks and started sipping and I did something I have never done before.

I went out of my way, raised my glass to him and said Thank You, quite honestly if it wasn't for Jewels I wouldn't have even bothered, I would've just sipped my drink silently as well, but I'm glad I did coz guess what it not only made me feel better but I'm guessing it made him too.

Meeting people like Jewels happens once in a lifetime I guess, a complete role model, I just wanted to be her, imitate her like a kid, I mean that's what kids do, they learn by looking at their role models, imitate them, take bits and pieces from here and there. But all this only happens if you're willing to change.

Habits : How we pick them up

6:30 PM bad, behavior, better, blog, change attitude, children, develop, good habits, habits, how to, imitate, kids, learn, monkeys, people, personality, role model

Beach Fun & Heartbreak

Had fun at the beach, aw it was awesome, funny thing though, there were a group of guys and they started hitting on the pair, right before I showed up with my abs, well honestly I was nervous of the dudes coz there were a lot of them, mid 20s or 30s I guess and they were much fatter than me as well, so yeah before I was my own pics I thought I was like a stick figure and was nervous that the guys might approach the gals. Haha haha but funny thing, they looked at me and was laughing sheepishly and amazingly back off, and yeah I said fuck it and acted like a wolf, or whoever staring down my prey, well we soon moved further left where all the foreigners were and fitted in quite nicely, I didn't talk with her until well, sis went out to a wash, and we both were laying on the beach, and I said 'Happy Valentines' don't think she heard me so she edged closer and told me all about how there was no Valentines in Germany. 😊😊😊 Ahhh Deutschland!

Then she left the next day, another country to be conquered I guessed and amazingly I did miss her, like what happens after every major event, happens to everybody, we spend so much time, so much effort on that big thing, it comes, its fun and after it ends, the next day you lay there wondering what to do with your life, your purpose and everything.

I didn't expect it to but it happened, another good thing came and went, it's the same dull life for me for six more months. I remember the last time I felt like this, was when I broke up with my ex whom I really really loved, she's so beautiful now, I regret that of course, but like those days, my mind had nothing to think about but her, the same thing happened this time around so yeah it's really saddening. I wondered about her life, her future and stuff like that, I feel like an idiot writing 'maybe we could go on a date someday' on her friendsalert book. Ahh but life, dunno what will 

             Hope she remembers how I busted a nut and told her she was beautiful out of the blue. She gave some letters to sis the last day, she'll never show them to me, I probably don't need her to, I'll see them for myself!

Beach Fun & Heartbreak

9:14 PM abs, airport, beach, bikini, blog, breakup, emotions, ex, farewell, fun, girls, heartbreak, hot guy, love, summer, travelling, trips, valentines, waves, world

Confidence : How to have More & Where do we get it from

Last year I discovered my hair had started receding, and I loathed over how high my confidence would've been if only I had a complete hairline. The year before that I couldn't stand the fact that I was so sunburnt, and the year before that I was too skinny.

Enter : A 19 year old German girl, skinny, 6"1, bucketloads of confidence.


                           So the mystery was, where does she get her confidence from? And where did I loose mine. To start off with let me ask myself, where did I get my confidence from? as a child  its probably when I was surrounded by all my relatives, and they would compliment my cuteness, and i would get most of the attention since I was the youngest of my family. It was that, that inspired me to dream high and raise the bar as to who I wanna be. So I guess that that built my self-esteem from the ground up, and thankfully I had quite a few episodes of bullying at school, I always considered myself good looking even though I didnt really have any solid reason apart from the fact that we started a hip hop group and would make all sorts of music videos, Ahh but then my best friends left, that little group of security was unlocked and and people dispersed. I had to find refuge in another group which was okay but most of the time just infuriating since the only person I hung out with behaved, well, almost like a child and I would find myself in all sorts of uncomfortable situations that never really stopped until school ended. It was never his fault really, it was because there were so few in our class that finding someone like me was impossible at best.


             Insecurity chipped away at me day by day and whenever we took family photos id always blame the cameras for looking bad, but then came the German, we took photos with her and I realised it was not the cameras but in fact the fault was with me. It all came crashing down, this castle of false confidence. It was really hard the next few days, went through a turmoil of emotions, posed several times in front of the mirror and what not. But somehow amazingly when it came to talking with girls, maybe flirting I found that there was no confidence lost. I asked myself why that night, and realised it was because I had always considered myself a good flirt and back in school some people called me a player. 

            So in conclusion, with rock hard evidence I might not look as good you might expect my confidence to drop rock bottom, but miraculously it didnt. Why? Its because its all in the mind, we condition ourselves by how people around us behave, coz whenever I talk to girls Id see them smile and think hey I must be good at this, even if im not. So even if I had my pants split and saw the girl smiling it would quite literally, give me confidence. 

             As is the case with the German, when I saw pictures of her before she arrived I thought she was a total social reject, I had already judged her like society would. But I was blown away by her confidence, her willingness to participate, explore and how she built her life around her self-esteem, honestly, how many tall girls can you name with low self-esteem who would blame it on nothing else but being too tall? What's more she even crouches a bit, does she mind? Fuck no! Do I? Fuck no, why? Coz she rocks it, yeah confidence is attractive. So what can you do to gain more? Stop blaming the consequences and instead focus on how you react to the consequences, for ex :- stop saying you have a fat nose, long jaws, short hair etc... instead accept it, embrace it, use it, love it, and guess what, others WILL find you attractive!  

Confidence : How to have More & Where do we get it from

6:44 PM attractive, beautiful be, blog, confidence, girls problems, guy problems, hack, happy, how more attractive, live life, more self confidence, self-esteem, social reject, solution, tips, ugly

Love Story : One Moment, No Regrets : Family Jewels V Day

I checked to see where each and every person in our house was. I've been waiting hours for the buildup, the recent train ride only made me push more for something since there was no other chance. Mom was organizing our huge back packs I spent hours in the shower coz her room was next to mom's and the bathroom. I wanted the timing to be perfect, mom to be away and sis in the bathroom with running water so she couldn't hear. I was frustrated because mom was taking such a long time so I went ahead and helped her. But by the time mom was in the kitchen, sis had already stopped showering, she has ears of an..... Idk man. A tiny moment came when mom went to clean something outside, the familiar rush of Adrenaline pumped as I headed for her door but broke off in the last moment, then I kept regretting that moment, thinking about it over and over again, knowing that the next few days will produce even fewer chances. It killed me inside, so 7 o clock struck, I suggested mom watch the news and peeked through the curtains to see what she was doing, she was in her bed, suddenly mom opened the door and went out, a few seconds later I heard the sound of sis showering and I sucked in my breath and headed for her room, within a few steps I was pushing aside the curtain as I planted my feet on the ground and bent forward.


                    She was perched on the top of her bed with a pillow behind her back, black shorts white shirt. Short hair wet and to the sides, her eyes focused on the diary she was writing with a long fountain pen with her skinny hands. In such a short time I took in all that information..... I said hey in a soft voice loud enough for her to be heard, she turned and with the business as usual face said yeah in a semi loud voice. The words spurted out of my mouth almost in a cringe worthy tone, 'you're beautiful' but she didn't care, her skeletal face with swollen eyebags gleamed in the light directly above her head, as she rocked to the tone of my voice almost like a see saw in motion, a smile started conforming, it reached full bloom before her lips mouthed thank you, skeletallly. She read my volume and used a similar volume. It was between us. She clearly wasn't expecting it coz her head seemed to be taken a little backwards. She kept beaming as I let go of the curtain and into my bed sneakily. 

                    Well I'm not really sincere but after the train ride where she couldn't stop smiling and we both were staring out the same window in opposite sides. Somehow when we got home she looked depressed.... Again, I was so stoked when I saw our rabbit after a long time, she produced a weak smile. So I thought, hey why not make the rest of the night enjoyable for BOTH OF US. Hey I got what I wanted, I erased a mental block when it comes to flirting and the best thing of all is that I have no regrets xD

Love Story : One Moment, No Regrets : Family Jewels V Day

6:37 AM ask out girl, blog, body language, couples, feb 14th v day, girls, her, love story, moment, regret, romantic, show love, true love, valentines day

For every guy who felt heartbroken when your girl flirted with another man

All you need is confidence man, trust me, self-confidence, that you're better than the guy shes flirting with, no just repeat this inside your head, and build a wall of false confidence, it fucking works, tell yourself that your deserve better!

For every guy who felt heartbroken when your girl flirted with another man

5:34 AM blog, cheating, deal with, girls. flirting, guy, heartbreak, self-confidence, works

German In the House

Deutscherin in unsere haus

German In the House

10:25 PM airport, blog, deutschland, foreigner, german, house, penpal

Microsoft Xbox blocked VPN Servers (download games error) 360 & One

So I decided to share something that could potentially be a lifesaver... If you're the right audience. If you've ever tried downloading games through a different region because the game is not available in your region only to see the download skip to 100% and subsequently an error message, well here's the problem. Well that's because Xbox needs both the region of purchase and download to be the same. The solution? Try a VPN server, but.....

Microsoft has blocked some maybe most of the public VPN Servers, so yeah no matter what method you try, in the end when you test the connection it always fails. So be warned it's not a problem with the connection, the solution?

Try a public vpn which is harder to find, maybe one from the 20th results page in Google or the best option is... If you've got around $6 to spare in PayPal balance, head over to Cactus VPN and voila before you know it you'll be punching buttons on your controller, cheers!

Microsoft Xbox blocked VPN Servers (download games error) 360 & One

5:59 PM blog, different region, download games, error, fix, how to, ip address error, microsoft blocked, public vpn, servers, skip 100, vpn, xbox 360, xbox one