Enter : A 19 year old German girl, skinny, 6"1, bucketloads of confidence.
So the mystery was, where does she get her confidence from? And where did I loose mine. To start off with let me ask myself, where did I get my confidence from? as a child its probably when I was surrounded by all my relatives, and they would compliment my cuteness, and i would get most of the attention since I was the youngest of my family. It was that, that inspired me to dream high and raise the bar as to who I wanna be. So I guess that that built my self-esteem from the ground up, and thankfully I had quite a few episodes of bullying at school, I always considered myself good looking even though I didnt really have any solid reason apart from the fact that we started a hip hop group and would make all sorts of music videos, Ahh but then my best friends left, that little group of security was unlocked and and people dispersed. I had to find refuge in another group which was okay but most of the time just infuriating since the only person I hung out with behaved, well, almost like a child and I would find myself in all sorts of uncomfortable situations that never really stopped until school ended. It was never his fault really, it was because there were so few in our class that finding someone like me was impossible at best.
Insecurity chipped away at me day by day and whenever we took family photos id always blame the cameras for looking bad, but then came the German, we took photos with her and I realised it was not the cameras but in fact the fault was with me. It all came crashing down, this castle of false confidence. It was really hard the next few days, went through a turmoil of emotions, posed several times in front of the mirror and what not. But somehow amazingly when it came to talking with girls, maybe flirting I found that there was no confidence lost. I asked myself why that night, and realised it was because I had always considered myself a good flirt and back in school some people called me a player.
So in conclusion, with rock hard evidence I might not look as good you might expect my confidence to drop rock bottom, but miraculously it didnt. Why? Its because its all in the mind, we condition ourselves by how people around us behave, coz whenever I talk to girls Id see them smile and think hey I must be good at this, even if im not. So even if I had my pants split and saw the girl smiling it would quite literally, give me confidence.
As is the case with the German, when I saw pictures of her before she arrived I thought she was a total social reject, I had already judged her like society would. But I was blown away by her confidence, her willingness to participate, explore and how she built her life around her self-esteem, honestly, how many tall girls can you name with low self-esteem who would blame it on nothing else but being too tall? What's more she even crouches a bit, does she mind? Fuck no! Do I? Fuck no, why? Coz she rocks it, yeah confidence is attractive. So what can you do to gain more? Stop blaming the consequences and instead focus on how you react to the consequences, for ex :- stop saying you have a fat nose, long jaws, short hair etc... instead accept it, embrace it, use it, love it, and guess what, others WILL find you attractive!
