Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Oh man what a weird day.....
We headed out to a 5 star hotel to attend a Public Speaking Seminar thanks to some heavy nagging by our pops and as usual we got there early. The hotel was largely empty at that early hour so I had no trouble cooling my nerves while we waited in the lobby, me with my Xperia Z in my hand.

Amazingly though white collars started turning up at the registration desk but thankfully we found our seat next to a guy our age, 17 and after some time was joined by a girl..... A chick.... Okay a hot chick.

Within a few minutes our table was filled with eight, four of us (my sis included) and some older dudes (oh the male to female ratio). We had quite the time breaking the rock solid ice and soon enough we got our chance to speak. And me, having spoken German for so long blurted our some American accented English which provoked the guy I was with to ask if I was a foreigner. Hahaha fuck yeah I was flattered.

At the tea break we did some acquaintancing and by lunch at the quite awkward-nevertheless-classy Arabic Restaurant we ate some salad topped off with sea food and some soul sucking chatter from the girls. Yes we sat opposite to them. Damn I always make a mental note to never stay near my sis but it always ends up that way. I'd rather walk naked in public than hear her "socialize" which basically involves 99% of her own anecdote. Or maybe its just a 'male thing'



   Sadly though the chick was no different. Quite the combination. She went off about her weird brother who used to get all the girls n shit, which sparked my curiosity nonetheless. Oh and did I mention that other guy was all ears on the girls and even joined in (so much for company!), well I did too by correcting their horrible French, it's 'comment tu t'appelle' people!

The poor guy, okay half nerd, half super nerd with apparently lower grades than me wouldn't talk with me and would rather be feminized. Jesus Christ man, how could he withstand nuclear radiation for so long??? I was already choking and probably sick (half by the salad). It there something about the way girls talk that makes all guys on planet earth bored at the first word? Me? I blame it on the pitch. How can someone take someone else with an extremely high pitched voice seriously? No offense but it's the same quality that I find attractive as well, a sense of ambivalence perhaps?

The poor guy tried so hard to impress her.....so hard that I felt sorry for him, watching him put in all that effort. Don't people realize it when they get handed some barbed wire........ for the friendzone. Ahahahaha I could've died laughing my butt off if I hadn't already had thoughts of chasing after her in my quest for temporary satisfaction.

Oh and then there was this mean looking quite ugly guy (why am I hating so much?) and his friend with this iPhone, so I went over there and like a complete idiot started admiring his iPhone.  After twirling the damned phone in my hand for quite a while, it just became awkward and yeah, I left, only to catch a glimpse of this mean guy passing a wtf smile. He must've thought I was some weird Australian or smmn especially given what happened at the end, which I will come to.....at the end. 



This episode soon followed with depression due to feeling left out of the group.... Again. I mean everyone was making decisions and I had barely said a word. It was obviously my fault that I had nothing to add but I felt bad nevertheless and my usual 'pretend that your are soul-less' method didn't work since I felt too damned self conscious. Made worse only by the fact that the other guy was digging quite the hole in the friendzone. Come to think of it maybe he just wanted to be friends.... Or then again maybe not, since he asked her to text him or Smmn, not like I care anyways, by then I've realised the magic formula :

Shy girls >>>>>
Yeah now try finding a blue eyed blonde haired shy girl.


Moving on
I somehow recovered from this depression with a mammoth effort by brainstorming ideas and communicating. Oh yeah, it was that simple...........yet that hard. 
Why the hell is everything a conundrum?



Towards the end there was this weird sexual topic that caused much debate, and got even weirder when one dude, okay oldie, okay oldude started ranting about the million sperms to one egg. Like wtf? (I just hoped he wasn't hinting at the male to female ratio) It was met quite sternly with some just as strange egg comments from a female. And It dosent end there, they managed to cover prostitution, teenage pregnancy and marriage. So basically it doubled as a sex education workshop. Which was fine, since we got the most bang (Ahem!) for our buck.

At the end however we had this raffle draw offering full schols to another one of their (god knows what next time) workshop.... Why on earth would I wanna come again? - Unless they actually practiced sex the next time - so me being me, jotted down a fake name. And would you believe it? It got chosen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The host held up the mic and called for 'Kenny Cutlery' 
Oh man I had a field day, going up there and collec........ Being asked to write down my real name. **Australian guy, remember? 

Anyways I ended up transferring the award to my fallen brother in the friendzone, excuse my grammar. Ich vergesse english, und ich bin nicht ein German.

Oh and there was also this other girl, who sat on the faaaaaaaaaaar end Table. (again, ratios) I made a note to make eye contact with her just to remind myself how good I was at flirting and at first she played had to get which came off as 'why's that creep staring at me' however much to my surprise after the program ended and when we headed for tea, she was right there waiting for me. Like a magnet, always within my proximity. Maybe it was the coffee but at tea my engines roared to life and I started socializing with the older, well okay, cooler dudes in our group....oh and also mature.



There was this one guy who was down to earth the type that didnt care about his surrounding, perhaps even unaware. He wore glasses and as usual I opened up with his iPhone, which was quite the small thing with the 4.5 inch screen - he said he was loved smaller screens (I was just glad it wasn't a girl who said that....."oh size dosen't matter honey, I love them small anyway") He looked like he was in his thirties but damn this guy was 46. Yeah, that went about with the rest of the other dudes until it was time to say farewell

when I asked the chick
the hot chick
if I could.........

See a pic of his bro,

which unfortunately came out wrong and was immediately met with the dreaded "are you gay?" out loud. Embarrassingly and yet also thankfully she showed me a pic and I realized that his bro wasn't really all that good looking. Fuck me. I felt ashamed by it but brushed it away since my episode of socialising was a success.......depending on whose viewpoint you take.

  At the end we met her mother and hugged goodbye with me whispering quite cheesily "I'm not gay okay"

Let me put it this way, it was just plain awkward.

Oh and we also did some singing, moving in circles, laughing, oathing, and oh yeah ironically public speaking.

Now since I don't want this post to revolve around the chick I will now add some dots to take you as far away as possible from my embarrassments

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PS. I would've loved to have taken some pictures of how good I looked but damn the washroom was full :P

Funny Story : Public Speaking and the Friendzone

Saturday, July 4, 2015

Okay so not the dream hot chick I so desperately seek but nevertheless a well chick type girl walked into the cafeteria at Goethe today along with some of her friends and naturally being surrounded by locals further heightens the effect. She'll do was what I thought then.





So it was our A2 exams today and naturally I had a clean cut hairstyle and was well groomed. Strangely enough I met this cool C2 guy I always say in classes but never spoke in the bathroom. Much to my disappointment he was too friendly and his coolness just evaporated while I took a pee. He left with a aufwiederhoren that got me saying 'what ah ya' symbolic of my natural English instinct. That instagram even the main story no, not even the fact that one of the girls were so seductively dressed. No not even that.

I convinced this hot chick okay chick I saw was compelled my my image to put some effort into her own one. Namely we held eye contact for around sometime and soon enough her hands were on her loose hair pushing to tie it into a neat bun. That's when I told her that she would do. And she would do. Coz I meant something to her. Wow prince of corny Island. BP I could learn German better from someone like her.....

German Girl

Monday, June 29, 2015

Isn't it amazing how much of our confidence is built on either one or two things. The same things or people that made you feel high can make you hit rock bottom. 

What can I do?
 Wie kann ich verbessern?


Why do I feel this way like everything in my life was and is a lie the same things that helped me through are now my demons

No purpose. So uninspired

How can confidence be so volatile

Aber ich kann Deutsch sehr gut sprechen und verstehen so dass ist ein großes pluss

Gute Musik

How to feel less self conscious?

Ich wird immer eine Jacke anziehen eben ob es out of Mode geht

Feelings

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

I can let this define me, destroy me or strengthen me.

   The minutes tick slow, the people crowd in, 
my nerves ease up. For a while. 9:30 - there's been a slight delay, we begin at 9:35. I've never done a Cambridge exam and the paper format catches me off guard. I start chewing my gum, faster but eventually it fades into the background. I raise my hand, I don't know how to fill the 'component title' but the invigilator takes too much time, she's at the other end, so instead I peek opposite, a girl in a short skirt. 9:40, I've gotten off to an explosive start, I notice that part B in the first question is different from the previous ones. So I decide to do it at the end.

Wrong move.



Rhythmically my eyes take in the time
from the monstrous, green, blinking eyes in front of me. Ah my nemesis, or my saviour? I finish 80% of the paper in less than an hour. Yet my mind is clouded. I try to work out how much time I should spend on the rest. The clouds grow thicker. All routine gone. I breakdown. Panic. I finish the paper in the nick of time 9:48. 2 minutes to spare.


  But what good is finishing a paper if all you
wrote was gibberish? If you forgot to mention obvious key points? If you saw them later yet had neither the space nor the time to make amends? Truth is, it's a matter of shutting my eyes and spacing out from the world, literally.

   It's 9:00 the day before, having recognized
the importance of sleep before an exam I go
to bed early.

Wrong move.


My mind initially wanders into the prehistoric
age in 'A Space Odyssey 2001' then to a horror story, I nearly fall asleep.... Nearly. It's 12:00, after three hours of restlessness I figure out a neat trick, count backwards from 99 and reset when I hit the lower numbers. It works. But I wake up at 5:00. No turning back now.


My face is disfigured In the morning, an event
that is minisculed by my shocking malfunction. It has happened before and my no means is this the worst one. Twice I felt that I would end up with 0, Physics and Chemistry, twice I ended up with A's.

   I feel sleepy, even now, but the truth is........

I can let this define me, destroy me or strengthen me.

Define Me, Destroy Me or Strengthen Me

Monday, April 20, 2015

*tells her that I will be successful*


So Ashley, tell me....what do those beautiful marble eyes want to be, besides married to a rich, successful guy?
Hahaha, just kidding


Fantasized Pick-Up Lines on a First Date

Saturday, April 18, 2015

Do girls like Italian guys? I could pretend to be, could very well live in Italy but their economy is taking tumble and besides I don't know Italian. There's this bigger picture which includes my ex. Saw her in a dream and can't get her out of my head. Last time we saw each other I had so much flaws.... So much.






 I'm better and improved now but I know that this is just the beginning there's a long way to go to achieve perfection in my own terms. I just don't know man sometimes, sometimes I dream up these really fancy and weird ideas, like what if by some miracle we bump into each other one day? Given that we currently live world's apart the chances are slim but give that I'm the type of person that would instigate and execute such a plan to make it look accidental it could happen. Then what? She's got a boyfriend or.... Well she would, no doubt but unless she's waiting for me??? Ahhhhhh no chance there as well but the last time we spoke we ended on a high and this time thinking about it I'm low. I mean I imagine, it would be the perfect fairytale if we meet in the future and then by some miracle ended up together, given the long history which intensified and climaxed in such a short amount of time it's hard to imagine what would come of us if we managed to sustain, namely if I can manage some stamina and focus on the long run. Argh this is grown up stuff man, thinking about the future but yet it's hard to feel irrelevant from this sort of thing because perhaps it happens to us all, perhaps many to all young people out there dream about the future. I want her.... For now. I hope that doesn't or does change. It makes me feel desperate but I've got choices, but my mind doesn't open up to let them in. If I focus on that goal now, it would drive me insane coz there's such a long way to go, so all I should do is focus on becoming the best and hopefully the best will become.

Miracle Love Story (Hello Russians!)

Sunday, February 22, 2015

I know it's gonna come soon, bang, this September it's gonna hit me before I even know it. These days I constantly use the excuse 'hey I'm just 18' like when I drive the car and other drivers get angry or being in a social or responsible situation such as trying to guide or navigate a new surrounding. But I'm afraid that won't last very long. All these thing do serve as valuable experience and I'm grateful everyday for all the things I have in my life. But, ultimately age is just a number, it doesn't dictate how we look, who we are, or what we're supposed to be.

         I've seen countless people who look both younger and older than their age, I've been with people older than me who act like children and guys younger than me who are more manly than I am. I've been with this girl, who I'm privileged to call my ex, who by the age of 11 attempted suicide, 12 or 13 travelled alone in a flight and back, who was raised by a single mother given that their father was a movie director, oh cliché! But I'm not intimidate by that, it helps me learn, it shapes who I am, I observe all those people closely and pick up bits and pieces.

So, 19, I've still got time, but what is the most important thing I need to achieve in that time I asked myself today, who do I need to be by 19? Well it's simply, given my consequences all I can do is prepare for the future :

Bodybuilding
Learning another language
Improving my personality
Attitude
Looks
Intelligence
Athleticism












I guess if I can keep doing what I'm doing right now I'd tick all the boxes by the time I'm 19, coz in the end, what I really want is no regrets.

Who should I Be? When Im 19

 
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